Last updated on January 24, 2025
Loss comes in all shapes: losing a friend, a job opportunity, a lover. Whatever it may be, losing something always feels like you’ve just tossed a wall. The faster you drive, the more the toss hurts. The more you love, the more loss hurts. So, how do we deal with the inevitable truth that we must keep starting over? Give me a pen, I’m rewriting another end.
While reading, listen to: “The Art Of Starting Over” – Demi Lovato
I hate that whenever I lose something, the first response I receive from people is “You can always start over.” You don’t say? I didn’t know that losing something I worked hard for (whether a job or a relationship with someone) did not matter. Great. Thanks for the advice. Now I can just get over it and start over!
Obviously, it doesn’t work that way. Whenever I cut ties with a friend or see the same generic “After careful deliberation, the team is considering other candidates.” email in my inbox, I feel the same frustration. Why do I keep trying so hard, just to fail? Was it even worth working this hard for something I wouldn’t get in the end? It is simply annoying to keep applying to internships or giving people second chances when all I seem to receive in the end is disappointment. People let you down, companies turn you down, and you are left wondering; “When do I stop trying?”
Spoiler alert: you never do.
Robert Frost wrote: “So Eden sank to grief, so dawn goes down to day, nothing gold can stay.” It’s true, nothing gold – worth loving and working for – can stay. Nothing. Eventually, we lose everything. (I am sorry if that’s depressing, but keep reading. I will turn this dark motion into one of hope.) We lose our family members, our money, our friends. Do you want to know what remains constant? Change. We are changed through our losses, and each time we let go of something we were holding onto with all of our power, the universe shifts our perspective. Do you really think cutting ties with that “friend” who was sucking all life out of you was a bad thing? Or do you think losing that job – that wasn’t even paying that well to begin with – was the end of your career? Come on now. Old ways won’t open new doors. Allow for change to happen. Open your eyes and see how the universe is working in your favor.
So Eden sank to grief, so dawn goes down to day, nothing gold can stay.
Robert Frost
You have to master the art of starting over and learn to rise from your ashes.
I know it makes no sense to have to go through life like a phoenix, having to keep burning to rise from your ashes. Burning hurts. You love, you lose, and you learn, but sometimes we don’t want to lose and learn. In those moments when you are having a hard time letting go, remember; nothing gold can stay. No matter how sparkly or expensive or worthy it was… just let it go. Accept that there is nothing we can do to keep things that are meant to go. And trust that better things are on the way. This is the rule of the universe, and I am not making that up! The law of conservation of energy says that just as nothing comes into existence from nothing, nothing ceases to exist entirely. So the love you let go of will be returned to you. Who knows, it might even come back tenfold. You have to let it go to find out.
The last time I lost something (which wasn’t that long ago), I couldn’t make sense of it. I was hurting, and no ridiculous blog article could change my mind about it. (Ironic, isn’t it?) I knew what I had to do: trust. Trust in the law of conservation of energy, the universe, God, or whatever else there might be. I had to trust that things would fall into place. But it’s hard to see reason in those moments. I’m writing this now because, every now and then, I lose my way too. There are times when I need to remind myself that everything will be okay. I wanted to write something that I could turn to in those moments—something to prove to myself: yes, life is absurd, and it couldn’t care less about your plans. But if you can accept that, you become unshakable.
When we toss a wall, we need to understand that we weren’t meant to see the other side of it, because there is another way—a better way—for us to move forward. Put your car in reverse, back up, and turn around. You might be surprised to see a highway full of new beginnings.
With love,
Lara