Love has a way of shaping us, whether it blooms in the intensity of youth or unfolds with the maturity of adulthood. Is love sweeter when discovered early, or does it hold deeper meaning when found later? Let’s dive into the beauty of falling in love—whether as a starry-eyed teen or a cautious 20-something.
While reading, listen to: “When We Were Young” – Adele
Teenage love is raw and reckless, while adult romance is careful and calculated. Both reveal profound truths about who we are. We love, we lose, and we learn something new about ourselves every single time. In matters of the heart, things are never simple, no matter the timing. But does timing affect how love manifests itself? How does the way we love change over time?
William Shakespeare wrote; ‘Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds. It is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken. Love alters not with time’s brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom.’ So, as you see, true love exists at all times. Even if you are 16, 24, or 45, love will find its way back to you. But will it be the same at 24 as it was at 16? To me, the answer is both yes and no. I have always loved truly and fiercely, and I do not believe that will change. However, my expectations have changed. Nowadays when I feel butterflies in my stomach, the “red flag” alarms start going off in my head and all I can do is look for a way out. The last time that happened was when I met a guy who was driving his car a little too fast and drank alcohol a little too much, and when the familiar alarms began to go off in my head, I couldn’t help but wonder: When had it all changed?
‘Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds. It is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken. Love alters not with time’s brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom.’
William Shakespeare
The Excitement Of Youth
In high school, when the world revolved around me and my small, unimportant problems, all I wanted was to get swept off my feet. I enjoyed the surprises, the late-night texts, and the drama. It would sometimes (okay, let’s be real, most of the time) end with tears and fights, but who cared? I was all for it. With the excitement of youth, I felt everything tenfold. Even when arguing with someone, I would think about how great my bus ride back home would be, with my earphones in and my sad music on. I loved to romanticize everything. I didn’t even care if all I got for Valentine’s Day was a poster of a movie I hadn’t ever watched (yes, this actually happened.) I was just happy for the experience. And that’s how teenage love usually works. You trust blindly and you give the best of your heart uncritically (sometimes to those who hardly think about you in return, as T. H. White once said.) But it’s fun, you know? Creating playlists and trading clothes is undoubtedly entertaining. It’s what we need when we are teenagers and we have no clue about how the real world is yet waiting to welcome us home. Living in that bubble for as long as you can is nice. But one day you wake up and you blow the candles on the cake for your 20th birthday, and you officially grow up. When that day comes, things change.
Growing Pains
As I started my 20s and college, things slowly shifted. Suddenly, I was no longer interested in the drama of it all. I began dodging men with baggage, and instead, started to look for someone who would enjoy the comfortable silence with me. Someone who wouldn’t mind communicating their needs and solving problems. I was (and still am) not interested in men who got off on making women cry and playing the push-and-pull game. It started to become more than looking for excitement. Maybe that happens because we start building a life for ourselves in our 20s and don’t want to live on the edge with heightened emotions. I really don’t know why things that seemed so exciting at 16 just seem a bit tacky at 21 (I don’t have it figured out after all) but I am pretty confident that my taste in men is very different now than it was 5 years ago, and it will be entirely different 5 years from now. At 16, I was totally into the baby-face, clean-shave, innocent, Troy Bolton type of look. Now it’s all about sharp jawlines, witty lines, and Theo James phenotypes. However the man looks, there are lines I wouldn’t cross and would not allow to be crossed. Standards are higher, and as a result, when you find someone worthy of dating, the relationship is that much greater. True, they are hard to come across, but when you do… it is much more intense than that giddy feeling of creating playlists and trading clothes.
Deeming Love Worthy
Whether you’re a teenager feeling butterflies in your stomach for the first time or a 20-something learning how to navigate romance in your busy life, there is one lesson to always keep in mind: the day that you start thinking that love is overrated is the day that you are wrong. It is a risk to allow yourself to fall for someone, but taking that risk is worth it. And that doesn’t change with time. But there are things we must learn how to navigate as we grow older.
The boy who drinks too much and drives too fast will not be suited for the woman you are becoming. The relationship you experienced in your teen years, however fun it was, is over. The romance you will experience as a young adult will be much greater. Of course, it can end, just like the teen love did, and sadly the heartbreak that will come from the breakup will be much stronger too. Just know that you are not alone, and as of 24th of January 2025 at 1 am (which is when I’m writing this), there are 8,201,110,251 people on this Earth and many are experiencing a similar feeling. Some of them are young and feel the excitement of falling in love for the first time, and some of them are adults carrying the weight of growing older. There are contrasts and connections between teen love and adult romances, but the biggest similarity is this: love is always worthy of falling in. Because one day, maybe as a teen or maybe as an adult, you will find the 1 person out of those 8,201,110,251 worthy of growing old with.
There are 8,201,110,251 people in the world. And whether you are a teen with starry eyes or an adult with the weight of the world – all you need is 1.
With love,
Lara