Last updated on February 17, 2025
Ah, Valentine’s Day—that day of the year when everyone is either madly in love or miserably single. Beneath the glittering facade of candlelit dinners and romantic gestures, there are single people, silently waiting for their turn. Not everyone is yearning for love, but for the hopeless romantics (like myself) who do, this day is one of the hardest of the year. Let’s take a hard look at what Valentine’s Day really means for us.
While reading, listen to: “The Prophecy” – Taylor Swift
I’ve never been one for clichés. Well, that’s a lie. I’ve never been interested in clichés unless they were to my benefit. And there haven’t been many of those, so… Yeah, I’ve never been one for clichés. And Valentine’s Day is the mother of clichés. Every possible cinematic gesture and romantic declaration of love is put on display, and I watch from my window like a little girl who wants to come out and play with the rest of the kids. I’d be lying if I said that it doesn’t hurt year after year. It stings to see the roses and to dinners, and it leads to a self-destructive path that lasts around 24 hours. With the first lights of the morning of February 15th, I am back to regularly scheduled programming. It’s almost like nothing ever happened and I am back to mistaking desolation for independence.
Octavio Paz once wrote; “Solitude is the profoundest fact of the human condition. Man is the only being who knows he is alone.” There are days when we are less aware of our loneliness, and then there are days like Valentine’s Day to remind us. So here I am, on yet another Valentine’s Day, with no Valentine to show for it, writing about the god-forsaken day. Why do I put myself through this torture, you might ask. In full transparency, I can disclose this; I simply hate to go through this day alone and be reminded of the profoundest fact of the human condition, as Octavio Paz said. An estimated 2,7 billion people are single right now, which means this day potentially pisses 2,7 billion people off just as much as it does me. So why go through it alone?
“Solitude is the profoundest fact of the human condition. Man is the only being who knows he is alone.”
Octavio Paz
The Undeniable and Inevitable Truth
Here’s the thing; couples get to celebrate love every single day. All you have to do is take a stroll around a park, walk on the beach, or see a romantic movie in the theaters, and you will see that couples are everywhere. They are impossible to avoid. Love is all around, all day, every day. And it pisses me off. It’s not the kind of anger of a conservative Karen yelling at couples to stop “kissing in public places”. No, it’s the kind of anger that stems from jealousy. I see love so close within reach and start wondering why it hasn’t happened for me yet. Sure, I have dated, but I’ve never come close to what they’ve been writing songs and poems about for centuries. Although once I thought I had found someone I could fall for, the undeniable truth remained: he never even scratched the surface of me. None of them did. This is why I get angry when I see couples who seem to understand each other, who seem to vibe so well. Why is it that some people get to go through life with a partner by their side, and others are forced to watch? I have been refusing to engage with any couples on this day for years, and this year will be no different. I am too fragile to witness the type of understanding and empathy that comes with falling in love. Today, I am holding my loneliness and she is a teenage girl with puffy eyes, and I love her more than I have ever loved anyone.
L’appel du vide, the call of the void.
There is a French phrase used to describe the feeling of standing on the edge of a cliff, looking down and being terrified, and then momentarily getting an impulse to leap. It is called the “l’appel du vide“, which translates to “the call of the void”. Love, in my humble and honest opinion, is exactly that; the call of the void. Knowing the fall will kill you, but getting the urge to jump anyway. It is risky and daring, but something tells us to just do it. Falling in love is a scary motion, but the rewards are (most of the time) worth it. I know this. You know this. Then why are we here, reading – or writing, in my case – this article, instead of being out and about with our significant other on this day of celebrating love? Well, the answer is simple. We haven’t found cliffs worthy of jumping off of yet. Falling in love is the easy part. Finding someone worthy of answering the call of the void is what matters. Right now, you are walking on a hill, never getting close enough to the edge to fall. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. When you find your person, all the Valentine’s Days spent single will be forgotten. The ones you are to celebrate together will be the only thing that matters.
Dropping Out Of The Race
Rushing things when it comes to matters of the heart is the worst possible thing you can do. Life is way too precious to spend even a millisecond with the wrong person. Every moment you spend with a heavy heart and a saddened mind caused by the loneliness you feel brings you one step closer to meeting the one. It’s time to stop comparing yourself with those around you. Because funny thing is: you don’t even know what kind of relationships people have. What seems glorious from the outside may be very frail on the inside. Never be jealous of a love you haven’t experienced yourself. Drop clean out of the race. Don’t let the world trick you into believing that Valentine’s Day is a huge deal when it is what you make it to be. Every single year on February 14th, you can thank God – or the Universe or whatever it is you believe in – that you are one year closer to finding your heart’s desire. I can assure you that you are not asking for too much. The type of love you are looking for is out there, it exists, and I know that because you exist, and you carry that type of love with you every day. Until then, the love can be found in the people who care about you and the ones who pick you up when you fall. Romantic love isn’t the only type of affection that can be shared on Valentine’s Day. If you want, you can take this day to celebrate your loved ones and family. You decide what this day means to you. There will be a day when your significant other will send you a cryptic “be ready at 6 pm” and pick you up to drive you to a candlelit dinner, but until then, take this day to celebrate the love that surrounds you every day, and stop comparing yourself to others. Hold yourself to a different standard. Instead of making it only about romance, make it about you.
And when you find the person who gets you (who you undoubtedly will), and when you are ready to give your heart to someone, don’t think. Give in to the l’appel du vide. Answer the call of the void. Leap.
With love,
Lara