“Aesthetic”: How Women on the Internet are Being Gaslit By The Day

Last updated on December 16, 2024

Which persona will you be wearing like a mask today? Are you a clean girl – minimalistic, chic, and effortless- or a mob wife – rich, loves to wear fur, has a mafia husband – or, don’t tell me, old money -wears beige and drives a BMW-? The realm of aesthetics is your oyster. Pick whichever you like. But what about who you actually are?

On a random day in early 2022, someone on TikTok called her lifestyle, which was all about pilates and skin care, “the clean girl aesthetic”. That was followed by the emergence of the slick back buns, and we have not known peace ever since. I remember coming across my first ever “clean girl” TikTok, and googling the meaning of the word “aesthetic”. (It was necessary, English being my second language and all.) Well, it means “a set of principles underlying the work of a particular artist or artistic movement.” But, after a quick Google search, you will find that when used as an adjective, the word actually means “concerned with beauty or the appreciation of beauty.” So, why are we concerned with beauty?

Whether we want to accept it or not, beauty has always been important. Pretty privilege exists (which is the topic for another article), and perception matters. Appearances indicate status, and as a result of this ongoing trend on TikTok, your status is determined by how well you fit into your chosen aesthetic. What happens if you just don’t fit the clean girl aesthetic? (If you are not Slavic, for example. Apparently, only skinny blonde girls with no acne can fit into this aesthetic.) What do you do then? Well, you can always find another aesthetic! Can I interest you in Mob Wife, perhaps? No? How about Coquette? Cottage? Stargirl? Dark academia? Light academia?

The possibilities are endless. My patience is not.

I admit, I tried the clean girl. Numerous times, actually. I tried the slick back buns and drinking matcha (which tastes like grass, by the way.) I tried Hailey Bieber’s glazed donut nails and the latte makeup, I wore the golden jewelry and the beige clothes. And I was quite happy that I finally belonged, that I had finally perfected my clean girl look/life. Then, came the Stargirl. It was time to ditch the beige clothes for a Serena van der Woodsen look. Slick back was out and messy blowdry was in. I tried to keep up, and just when I had perfected that too, there came the Mob Wife. My wallet was suffering from the constant shopping, and my patience had run out. I decided to wait a couple of months to observe the change in the trends, and just like I suspected, Coquette arrived in no time. By that time, I was DONE.

One thing is crucial to realize when you are an active member of the “aesthetic” cult: most people will not perceive you as your chosen aesthetic. When a random 40-year-old lady on the street would see your beige clothes, slick back bun, and glazed donut nails, she would not think to herself: “Oh look, she looks so clean and effortlessly pretty! She must be a clean girl!” No, she will most likely see you and think to herself… well, she will most likely not think of you at all. So, you are free to pick whichever aesthetic, and here is an even crazier idea: you can wear whatever you want without worrying about an aesthetic at all!

If we worried less about how we are perceived and more about who we are as a person, maybe then we could achieve the true spirit of the clean girl. Yes, you may wear the clean girl persona, but are you a clean girl by heart? By mindset? Are you truly effortless if that slick back bun took an hour to achieve? Or are you effortless in the sense that you achieve your goals effortlessly? Which do you think matters more? The outside or the inside? The aesthetic or the soul?

Do you think Serena van der Woodsen did her hair messy purposefully, or was it messy because she was too busy living her glamorous life to care about her hair? If you mess up your perfectly blowdried hair to achieve a certain aesthetic, are you really a Stargirl or are you posing as a Stargirl? The distinction matters. Become your own version of authentic and watch how the pressure of fitting into trends crumbles in your hand.

With love,

Lara